Local tv

Does anyone really watch local free-to-air television channels? Is it any wonder why paid satellite tv operator Astro is doing well? Is it any wonder why pirate dvds are selling like hotcakes?

Let's face it; local tv programmes are crap with only a few exceptions. Look at the shows aired by RTM1 & 2 – absolutely crap. There seems to be forums everyday where self professed armchair 'experts' discourse at length on some social issue. Dullsville! No one in their right mind will watch such programmes unless they want to expire from an overdose of boredom. But I can't really blame RTM for producing such crappy shows as it probably operates under a tight budget. After all, forums are the cheapest programmes to produce – just decide on a topic and invite some tom, dick or harry to talk at length. Probably don't even have to pay him, he'd be more than happy to pose his ugly mug in front of the camera. Low cost but it is a doubled edged sword; if fewer people watch the programmes, then advertising revenue will be lower. The vicious circle continues, without any prospect of improving. Even the broadcast quality pales in comparison with the other channels – RTM broadcasts on the VHF band while other stations use UHF which sends out better broadcast signals. The colour and resolution just don't look right; in short it makes you want to channel surf away to another station. Even the newsreaders look boring; obviously RTM doesn't have much of a budget for attire as well. It would have closed shop ages ago were it not a government owned concern. We must also remember that we don't pay for a tv licence nowadays.

The commercial stations worth a bit of watching is Ntv7 and 8tv; especially the serialised crime and action shows from the US. Tv3 is slowly leaning towards more local content; hence you see more and more local dramas.

You must have noticed by now that there seems to be a pact among the different stations to break for commercials at exactly the same time. Of course it is easy to arrange this, after all Ntv7, Tv3, 8Tv and Tv9 are all owned by Media Prima. So much so that even RTM has caught on to the trick, breaking at about the same time. Viewers are forced to watch the irritating commercials; you can't be going off to the loo every 12-15 minutes, can you? Big problem if you do. It must also be said that such programmes would be impossible to watch for free if there weren't any advertising revenue.

The government has been encouraging more widespread usage and literacy of English. Yet even cartoon shows originally in the English language are dubbed in Malay. How are the young, especially Malay kids going to get more exposure in English? Something is not right here. It just doesn't measure up. It is understandable if shows originally in Japanese or other foreign languages are dubbed in Malay but for goodness sake please leave the English programmes alone. At this rate, English language literacy will actually go down instead of improving.

Ah well, the show must go on ............

Best friend.......

Next to a good human friend, a dog is the best companion. It gives you unconditional love and loyalty in return for just a bit of caring and food. It never questions or judges you much less nag at you.

I live in an apartment now so keeping a dog is out of the question. Have kept at least 5 dogs since childhood - couple of them got stolen, 1 died in accident, the rest died of old age. Chinese believe dogs bring luck; not sure about this but I can recall my life went very smoothly when I kept a dog. My life went doggone when I didn't have a doggy pet. In fact, a dog saved my life on the same day I took her from the animal shelter in Johor but that is a story for another day.

I like playing with friends' dogs. I also make frequent trips to big pet shops to view the puppies there. 'Aiya, tat bugger again! See but never buy, what a deadbeat!' - I bet this is what goes thru pet shop owners' minds whenever I pop around. Besides my love for the furry critters, seeing them is good therapy for my blood pressure. I feel more relaxed whenever I see a tail wagging bundle of fur. This obsession with dogs has gotten so bad that I have a folder named Cute Dogs in my computer, filled with doggy pictures culled from the internet. A stuffed toy puppy given by a friend some time back ranks among my prized mementos.

Next to pet shops, I try to go to animal shelters as much as possible. They need newspapers to line the cages, so I send over as much as I can. Better to give to the animal shelter than sell to the paper-lama-man for a pittance.

So if you have newspapers lying around, send them to an animal shelter such as PAWS near Subang airport. The critters will thank you for your kindness.

Woof, miaow ................

What price fidelity?

Fidelity. Nope, I am not talking about hi-fi, not being an audiophile. Marital fidelity, that is.

Alright, all of us have roving eyes- whether we are men or women. No harm looking when an excellent specimen of the opposite sex comes our way. See only, no touch, go ahead – indulge in your fantasies, when done; just go about your life as usual. No point rocking the boat when you are married, especially when you are happy with your spouse.

Yeah, real easy to preach all this gospel, right? You must think I am trying to be a monk or worse......

Lack of fidelity or outright unfaithfullness is the problem. Is it any wonder divorce rates are high and still climbing? I wonder. Of course there's always the the old standby whine – my spouse doesn't understand me, etc etc ad nauseam. Or is it just pure lust?

There is actually a medical term for sexual lust, read about it recently but just as conveniently, I forgot about it. There is a perverse addiction for variety, sexual types that is. Let's not kid ourselves that craving for affection drove a person to seek it out of wedlock. Just plain old sexual lust.

Let me tell you a real life story about Larry, an acquaintance of mine. Larry is in his mid- thirties, a permanent resident in Singapore. He is married with a young kid; his wife being a graduate and career woman. Problem is, Larry is a rake. I used to tease him that he has a better deal than Muslim men who are allowed to take up to 4 wives; because he has 5. Yessir, 1 common law wife and 4 mistresses – all in different towns over here; just so they don't bump into each other. Being a cunning guy, he calls all of them 'Dear', never by their names thereby avoiding the calamity of using the wrong name at any time! How's that for being wily, eh. Good measure actually, if ever any of them finds out he has been sowing his oats far and wide, they might just do a bobbit on him. Bobbit is a term coinedfrom a Ms. Bobbit who snipped off her hubby's cherished appendage when she discovered he was double timing her outside. Can't say I sympathise with him in this aspect.

All of Larry's mistresses believe she is the only one apart from his actual wife in Singapore. Talk about naivete. I guess it takes two hands to clap but let's not forget the background of the 4 mistresses; they were karaoke gals or aka ______ (you fill in the blank). I would have expected him to have better taste and judgement. Only money attracts these women, Larry had lots of it. Or at least he did until he started collecting mistresses like I collect Matchbox cars. Now he is way broke. The plot thickens - the women are now getting in the family way, one by one. His mating season. Last count, he already has 2 kids out of wedlock. Six additional mouths to feed, not forgetting another 2 in Singapore. Consolation is, he is contributing to a larger population in this fine land of ours. Properties that he bought in joint ownership with the women remain locked in limbo; he cannot sell them off to free up cash to fund his business; cos the gals are terrified that he will cast them aside with nothing left.

When the chickens come home to roost, that's when our Larry will find himself in deeper shit than now. What if one of the gals decide to slap him up with a paternity suit? Force him to furnish regular financial support to them and the kids. His legal wife may hear of his nefarious wanderings. Oh boy, that would be the day. Sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes then. Then again, he did chose to go and sin some more. The crap will most definitely hit the fan.

You reap what you sow. Problems; monumental ones, that is.

Never trust car mechanics

Have you ever realised that auto mechanics in this country are not proficiency certified or qualified? Almost any joker can profess to be a mechanic; just wield a suitable wrench under a zinc roofed shack and you are in business. Trusting folks will then come to you with their auto woes and you will work your magic on their beloved vehicles then send them on their way, happier but much poorer for the experience. When your reputation as a fix-all and cure-all mechanic grows, then you can start to charge more and perhaps fleece some suckers in the process too. No wonder the common reference to mechanics all over of having to make large boat instalments – they had to fleece you in order to afford their weekend cruises.

The best story of mechanic fleecing came from the US of A. A young lady sent her car for routine servicing and ended up being charged for 'turn indicator fluid'. What a scam, the mechanic should get an award for inventiveness. No wonder I couldn't locate the turn indicator fluid reservoir on my own engine bay!

All these funny situations aside, mehcanics must realise that their clients' lives are in their hands , should they ever bungle a repair job. I have been twice lucky, coming out unscathed from inept mechanics who almost killed me through their lack of care and skill.

Situation 1 – The fuel tank of my car was removed to facilitate replacement of drive train and suspension parts while the vehicle was still under warranty. When the tank was re-installed, the damned mechanic did not tighten the front 2 bolts sufficiently. Said bolts decided to take a hike of their own one fine evening while I was driving the car. The tank hung down and scraped the road pavement and made the appropriate sounds as well.It so happened that I was driving at a sedate speed along a kampung road then and nothing disastrous happened apart a slightly abraded tank and wasting a few hours to locate the bolts to fasten the tank back onto the the car. I shuddered at what would have happened if I was running at speed down the highways and the bolts elected to depart at that time. I should add that the fuel tank was full too at that time.

Situation 2 - While having my tyres rotated, I asked the mechanic to check and repack the front wheel bearing grease.. When the job was done , I proceeded on my way. After about 50kms, the car suddenly felt very heavy and refused to budge although the engine was turning over nicely. I got out and saw the front right tyre/wheel slanted at an angle, smoke pouring from it as well. Got it towed to a workshop – seems the bearing got loose while in motion. Damage – a warped wheel, ruined tyre, broken knuckle , warped brake rotor, broken calliper & hub, trashed bearing, et al. I was truly shaken and stirred, thanking my lucky stars it didn't happen while I was on the highway. I could have easily flipped over several times and burned, the car having a high center of gravity.

Lest anybody suggest the car was jinxed, let me clarify it was a different vehicle on both occasions. Both mishaps happened because the mechanics concerned were careless. I could have paid for their errors with my life.

The only good thing to emerge from the above episodes was my knowledge and hands on experience of auto mechanical workings. I have learnt to perform detailed checks on my car, especially after routine servicing. Never trust a mechanic to have you best interests at heart, they are only after your cash!

El Cheapo moisturiser, anyone?

A friend of mine, let's call him Henry; recently told me that good ol' cooking oil ie. palm oil can be a good skin moisturiser. I was quick to discount his claim as Henry is well known as a skinflint, didn't have the heart to call him Mr Scrooge though.

As he spoke on the merits of it, a thought flashed thru my mind that olive oil is widely used to smoothen the skin. So why not palm oil? Seems ol' Henry has learnt that palm oil contains Vitamin E that is supposedly good for the skin. I asked if palm oil isn't rather oily to the touch to which he advised rubbing the oil into the skin.Just a few drops will do, no need to slather yourself until you resemble the proverbial orang minyak (oily man).

I took up his recommendation (not without some misgivings)as I have rather dark forearms as a result of driving around in short sleeves or rolled-up cuffs. Skin on said forearms also seem to be a bit dry, so what the heck. The oil was sitting in my larder not doing a thing. Did it once a day; in the evening. After a week, sure enough the skin didn't seem so dry now. I noticed that the slightly oily touch dissipated after about an hour.

So waddaya know? I did some browsing at a pharmacy and saw that most so called moisturisers use a mineral oil base derived from oil in the ground. Surely a vegetable based oil can do a similar or better job? Well, I am going to continue this little experiment. If it really works, this may be the cheapest moisturiser around. Bottle the oil as a revolutionary organic moisturiser and sell it by the truckload to vain old men (nyuk) if not to little ladies. Wonder if the same palm oil has any sun protection factor (spf) as well; can hawk it as a sun tan lotion too. My bizness instinct has kicked in !

Btw, no ants or roaches snacked on the arms of your friendly neighborhood guinea pig!

Feeling down, depressed .... try this

Ferget the booze and valium when you are feeling down. Try reading this :


DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.


Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.



(reportedly from old St.Paul's Church, Baltimore)

Works for me every time. Cheaper than going to the shrink too.

Exotic foods?????

Being a Chinese myself, I am sometimes bewildered by the enthusiasm shown on exotic foods. Dishes such as abalone, shark fin, etc are greedily devoured as if they are the best tasting dishes without understanding what goes into these preparations.

The exotic food mentioned here are over vaunted, in my opinion. Most types of abalone are bland tasting in their natural state; cooked ones derive the flavour from being simmered long in a superior stock- the taste coming from the stock rather than the shellfish itself. Same with shark fins, virtually tasteless without the broth or stock in which it is served. It is just cartilage from a shark; softened by lengthy soaking and simmering. Forget tales about sharks never getting cancerous growths, they do get tumours at times. Heavy metals also tend to accumulate in shark finnage, so be forewarned. Paying thru your nose for bits of flavoured cartilage is certainly not my idea of a great tasting dish. The widespread consumption of shark fins also brings about
ecological imbalance in underwater communities that leads to an irreversible decline. Live sharks often have their fins hacked off and thown back overboard to die. How would you like it if your arms and legs were chopped off for a special dish?

Taste aside, I suspect that most consumers of these exotic foods readily admit to themselves that it is not that great tasting or worthwhile but still consume it from a prestige standpoint; they want people to think they are well off and can afford such dishes. Prestige??? Foolish perhaps, but definitely not prestigious. Coughing up a prince's ransom just so you win others' approval is foolishness of the highest degree. It is so sad.

Perhaps you may be better off spending your cash on bird nests and sea cucumber as these have been shown to be nutritionally superior. Just don't go overboard or the prices of these items will skyrocket till they reach the outer reaches of the universe.