Are you a junkie?

You may be a junkie without even knowing it. Or a painkiller dependent slob.

How? By eating local delicacies of course. Local fare such as nasi lemak, bak kut teh, nasi kandar. Heaven only knows what other foodstuffs  are guilty too.

A friend in JB who used to sell nasi lemak in KL told me that he regularly pops a handful of panadol (paracetamol) into the rice/water mix when boiling it. I jibed that he was trying to pull my leg but he swored that he kid me not. I countered that panadol tablets taste bitter, wouldn't the bitter taste be evident when the rice is done? It seems not; some kinda chemical change occurred during the boiling process, rendering the bitter taste non existent. Why then would someone put paracetamol into nasi lemak? The answer was it makes you feel better, paracetamol being a painkiller. Regular consumption of the doctored rice will lead to a feel good sensation, leaving you with a hankering for the particular nasi lemak joint. You won't feel good unless you have had a good dose of the rice with lauk (side dishes). Over the long term you certainly won't feel good with the liver having to process the drug. Liver failure is a real prospect here!

Horror stories abound in JB's nasi lemak joints. There was a popular shop in Taman Perling that opens only in the evenings, may still be around as I haven't passed it for over 3 years . This being a mamak joint, it is patronised mainly by Chinese diners. One popular story making the rounds then was that the food is charmed; the sambal being the prime suspect - a patron having come across the remnants of a used tampon in the sambal mix! Eeeyuck! Another variation was that someone saw toyol (little spirits) running among the dining patrons. I suspect that these stories were cooked up by envious competitors whose businesses weren't up to scratch. Enough said that I didn't feel up to trying the fare at this joint, but a friend who did told me that the food was no big deal.

Another shop was located along the seafront in Permas Jaya; lots of people can be seen waiting for it open up by 6pm. This I did try, coming away disgusted as the food was so ordinary and bland as not to merit the waiting. Saw people clamouring for the ayam goreng (fried chicken), tried it – it was like trying to swallow bits of dried jute bags. Perhaps the fengshui must be awfully good here; there's certainly lots of wind and water in the vicinity.

Bak kut teh or 'meat bone tea' is of course pork ribs in herbal soup. Some joints selling this dish do a roaring business while others regularly swat flies. Most of the time the herbal mix is a proprietary secret; the exact composition known only to the proprietor. He'd sew up the herbal mix in a cloth bag; boil the soup in the shop, then take the used bag home to dispose of it – thus preventing any would-be spy from learning the blend. Stories I heard include one where ganja is one of the ingredients in the magic bag of tricks. Some joints do not allow takeaways; to preclude you from doing a lab test. Drinking a soup where a narcotic has been simmered probably makes one feel good; you may not function well on days when you don't consume it. I don't know, bkt has never been a favorite with me; especially the JB version that is over infused with pepper and tastes rather bland similar to the Singapore version. Seems the Klang version is the authentic one as it originated here.

On opiates, nasi kandar cooks presumably used to add kas-kas when cooking curries. I heard it is seed from the poppy plant; how they imported it is another matter. People who regularly consume such curries would invariably fail urine drug tests even though they are not knowing drug users. Imagine a situation when a job seeker takes a urine test and is immediately labelled a drug user; I really sympathise with such poor buggers. This ingredient is probably not used anymore. I must admit to a hankering for fiery curries; maybe should get a urine test soon. But of course , I was brought up on a steady diet of curry and rice, must be my jaded taste buds, hmmmm.

There is no need to resort to underhand tricks if the food you serve is delicious and offers value for money. This will be my motto if I ever set up a food joint one fine day !